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have you ever.. [ Monday 3rd Aug 7:49pm] wished for an endless night... lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight. have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it get better than tonight? not listening

long time. [ Saturday 20th Sep 10:41pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | let it rock ] fore, score and god knows how long ago.... It has been FOREVER since I have been in here and writing about how I feel and what is not important in my life and what minimalistic things are going on. Or maybe there are things of major matter, it all depends on who your talking to and who really gives a shit. Anyhow, this is my journal and im capable of expressing every illiterate detail right here and now and so i will. I have been living in Brooklyn, NY for about one month and a week now. I got my first job last week at Brooklyn Gymnastic Center for a weekend position, and I just this week was called back for a job in Manhattan.. FINALLY!! I applied everywhere for the whole first month. Fossil off 34th and Herald Square was generous enough to accept my application, have me at a group interview and call me back a week later to confirm. :) So, I had to call off already for my new position at BGC for my orientation today with Fossil which was from 10am - 4pm. I learned a whole 45min lesson on sexual harassment in the workplace and was sent off on small quick assignments for the job, and now I have homework. I go back Wednesday for Product Education so I can be taught all about their watches, hangbags, wallets, belts, and sunglasses. We don't have Fossil Apparel at the 34th ST store but we are encouraged to embody the style of the models in our catalog which is the "Modern Vintage Style". Needless to add, I am excited about how things are finally coming together with life here in NY and I will be more than excited next month for school to start :D! Hopefully I will have a good junk of change saved up by then too so I can pay for my own books and school attire. I am already taking out 2 student loans for my first year tution. So thats life with work.. and life as far as Social Life.. eh. Obviously I have Sarah, and may I add I have never been more proud! She moved here robbed and homeless kind of haha, and found her own place and a full time job in less than 2 weeks! She is awesome. But I have made some friends briefly or just kept in contact with those I made before moving and I hang with them. As for the small stuff... meaning love life... heh. Im not exactly ready for that yet. Im over being "in love" with Marq but still even pissed about the way our "friendship" seems to be already dwindling because of his current boyfriend. Its just aggravating cause although we are not a couple I do confide in him as a friend, and consider him practically part of my family. I mean I have known him for two + years and gotten to know his family and friends as has he gotten to know mine. And already I feel like the friendship we have is being threatened because his boyfriend doesn't understand the situation. But things with him are always on and off so Im getting use to the pattern of events and almost just considering that maybe being friends should not even be an option as much as it would suck. And I will have you all know.. I actually do miss Florida, even the little ridiculous things about it. Like my Sunday nights, Denny's, Andi's House, My Bedroom, My Parents, or High School.. or Mrs.Whitener :/ Lord knows I really do miss that woman. And she is always in my prayers.. when I am actually praying of course. But most of all I miss you, yes you Kim. My Fuzzet. My Kimmy Doopz. My Skinny Minnie. My Kickboxer. My Best Friend. I will be on here more often. I need to be, for my own sanity. Goodnight. not listening

its the weirdest thing in the world. [ Friday 4th Jul 11:35am] [ mood | confused ] I woke up remembering my dream from the night before... We were in a crowded room and sat across from one another, and didnt say a word to each other. I overheard your words of ignorance and lept across the room to grab you by your throat amd tell you what an asshole you have become, and that your nowhere close to the guy you use to be. I ran away and you followed me out just to stop and get your last words in and throw an elbow to my face. So I threw you down and you were laid across the pavement as I towered over you screaming about how much I can't believe youve changed. It didnt make a difference. As much as I do miss you. I think it is for the best, because I am pretty sure I never knew you... and Im not sure I want to now. Love Sucks. Fuck You :] Lately its like I have been fighting with myself. Im generally a real sure person when it comes to the way I feel about things, but it seems that recently Im not sure of my emotions at all. So many things are happening at once or are soon to happen, and Ive yet to be phased by them. I just sit here optomistic as always moving through day by day without actually dealing with what I know is going on inside of me. I want to know how I really feel and I just can't. not listening

i miss you so much. [ Tuesday 19th Feb 11:51pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | silence. ] so today is the first day since ever that i can remember actually using this... its terrible cause i find that expressing oneself is probablly the best form of meditation yet i seem to stray away from it lately :( she died. she is dead. she is never coming back. it has been two days and yet i have nothing to say about it. im boring and stiff im sad but, regardless i show no emotion, i am just a shell of a being. i have never felt so confused. i think it's cause i knew it was going to happen but now that it has its like it never really did, and somehow saying that makes sense to me? that is honestly how i feel though. like we were waiting, expecting, we all saw it coming and now that it happend, its just done. but i cant grasp the fact that its real and she wont call to see when im getting home anymore, she wont call to remind me that i love her and i need to call her more often to tell it to her, shes not here to tell me "drive safely, wear your seatbelt" and that she is always thinking of me... and that one statement she always makes when i told her i loved her, i will never hear from her breathing lips again when she says "i love you too, more than you'll ever know". its sickening, its depressing and i just dont know how to deal. im blank. and somehow ive been going through these days unphased as though it never really matters. that this is life and we just move on... can i tell you how fucking sick i am of just moving on through things! its all i do, its the only way i know how to deal with anything. and it sucks. this whole situation is going to take me a long long while, i know it. not listening

AMDA essay question 1. [ Tuesday 23rd Oct 12:33am] [ mood | content ] 1. Describe a challenging experience in your life and what you learned from it. ( my answer ) 1 not listening

[ Thursday 30th Aug 9:08pm] life comes at you fast always remember  to weat your saftey belt. 1 not listening

[ Saturday 25th Aug 6:32pm] dont let other people run or ruin your life. it is yours live it for you and do the best you can to stay optomistic about it, trust me it helps. as the fence behind Dunkin Donuts says "love yourself like no other" 1 not listening

[ Monday 13th Aug 11:15am] [ music | sugarcult ] its the way that he makes you... not listening

[ Saturday 4th Aug 1:53am] i pretty much hate feeling sick to my stomach and feeling like a dumb ass when i know im not. if you were me, you would know. 2 not listening

[ Monday 12th Feb 12:22am] i never realized how much i love fall out boy's album "take this to your grave" pretty amazing. my weekend at the state fair was fun and i learned alot and had a blast. i hope everyones weekend went well. :-P 1 not listening

Downtown [ Thursday 28th Dec 12:25am] [ mood | pessimistic ] [ music | none. ] ( i know he thinks your fine and stuff... ) 3 not listening

christmas [ Tuesday 26th Dec 12:51pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | beware of switching movie theatres - peachcake ] ( Ho Ho Ho ) not listening

Boy Do I Wish.. [ Tuesday 19th Dec 5:19pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Cartel ] (  I could live here  ) 4 not listening

New York, NY! [ Saturday 16th Dec 7:10am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | rookie of the year - poison like your own ] Alright Im getting ready to fly out, rain makes me nervous :\ but theyll probablly call electronics off anytime now. Ill see you in 5 days :P, dont miss me too much :P. 3 not listening

i just want to cuddle. [ Wednesday 13th Sep 10:34pm] [ mood | exanimate ] ( i need a hug. ) 4 not listening

in a race to the road on the way to apathy [ Wednesday 9th Aug 10:26pm] [ music | the higher - kalimist ] ( no one should have to take a fall for it ) 4 not listening

cumquat [ Wednesday 29th Mar 12:25am] [ music | sufjan stevens ∙ the dress looks nice on you ] before now and after ( plum and lime ) 11 not listening

What Was Before Cannot Be Know [ Wednesday 30th Nov 9:04pm] [ mood | creative ] What was before cannot be now What was before cannot be now, cannot be the laughter and sounds, my sister my brother, my father my mother, once before we were all together happily and thankfully all one family, now today unfortunately that does not remain, things change and I under stand that but for your sister to leave at the age of fifteen, sounds a little bit to me extreme, my mother I see her still to this day she lives no more then a mile away, she can visit all she’d like but does she make the effort, not with all might, although I’m ok with the way things are it’s just kind of hard to live with a brother and dad and myself above all, when i was born little would i know that things would turn out the way they did, at the age of two i am diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, with a year of help i persisted to walk and to this day thirteen i can run, at the age of 11 no one would know that being born a crack baby would do me such harm, i have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder better yet known as ADHD, not much of a bother i take my pills although sometimes i forget, and the results from my dad are unimaginable you can bet, now i have a diet for 6 months to go through with because my cholesterol is 242, i like my life whether it sucks or whatever the circumstance, because i can always think that it could be so much worse then what it is, so i do appreciate it for what it is, i want what was but that can never be the days when i was 4 and 5, 8 and 9, what is now is what i settle for because what was before cannot be now. -- old poem by Me, Daniel Lupo 13 not listening

∙°Friends Only°∙ [ Thursday 27th Jan 2:50pm] °Friends Only° comment to maybe be added 38 not listening

the best movie ever [ Friday 7th Jan 10:18pm] [ mood | who knows . im just bored . ] [ music | american beauty ] it's okay . i wouldn't remember me either . i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... and then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. and then it flows through me like rain. and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. you have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm sure. don't worry... you will someday. not listening

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